People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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