Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize