Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
