so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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