Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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