wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize