I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
