You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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