it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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