well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
