dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You ruined the universe
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
