my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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