I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize