I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dick very happy bro
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
