New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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