Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
