I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
