That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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