I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
