Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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