Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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