if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
