Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
