Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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