i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
