I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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