dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize