I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
