I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There's always time for handjobs
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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