Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
