That's intense
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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