Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So much Jack, so little girl.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
