I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
