She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
