i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
