I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
