I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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