I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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