I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
