tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
