I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
