And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
