I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
