shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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