would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
