A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
