Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
