six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
