who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
