Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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