she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
