allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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