Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
