You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize