is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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