..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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