Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
