you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
