I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize