I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
