Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
