I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize