did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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